Dear Barb: Would You Still Love Me If I was a Slut?

Barbbbbb. Barb. Barbara. Barbie. Be honest, my love. Be 100% honest. If I was a stupid dirty whore, would you still love me? Would you? What if I was a dumb slut? What if I was a dumb wench with chlamydia? Would you still love me?

I met this guy last Thursday. His name is Stephen. He’s so mmmmmmm. He’s so hot. I’d do anything for him. He bought me a shot. I know. Barb. Barbbbbb. Barb. Barb. BARB. Listen to me, baby. I’m a slut for Stephen. Fuck. YEAH, I said it… I’M A SLUT!!

Do you still love me, Barbie? Huh? Do you? DO you? Do you do you? Answer me, Barb. I’m such a bimbo. I’m a little slut running free in the wind. I’m the biggest slut in all of Iowa City. I’m the dirtiest, chlam-ridden whore in all thy land.

Stephen loves me even though I’m a slut. He says he doesn’t care. He loves sluts. He fucks sluts. He fucks me soooo gooooddd. I haven’t told him I have crabs. ;) DON’T TELL ANYONE, BARB. It’ll be our little secret… ;)))

Barb. My anxiety is killing me. Please, PLEASE, just answer me. WOULD YOU LOVE ME? WOULD YOU LOVE ME IF I WAS A SLUT? WHAT IF I WAS A WHORE? AM I WHORE, BARBARA? BARBA!!!! I need to know. :(

Barb.