Class On 4th Floor Of EPB Leading Cause Of Wheezing, Back Sweat

After an extensive double-blind study, UI researchers found that classes located on the 4th floor of EPB are leading causes of wheezing and back sweat.

“With careful observation, our research has indicated a strong relationship between dragging one’s self up four flights of stairs in a building with poor ventilation and being out of breath,” said Theresa Myer. “Our final report shows that a startling 97% of UI students who have a class on EPB’s top floor exhibit notable amounts of back sweat, particularly in the regions outlined by their backpack straps. The remaining 3% of students had already become pretty damp before making the trek upstairs, having just sat through a seminar located in the EPB basement.”

The UI research team is recommending students enrolled in a class on EPB’s 4th floor simply wait for November, when shivering and seeing your breath become the typical side effects of walking the same staircase.