Barbara Wilson Throws Public Tantrum After Grad Students Refuse to Work for Free

Cuts to the University’s budget are being felt by everyone across campus, including President Barbara Wilson. Now, with the potentially new budget proposals, Barb will no longer be able to afford her vacation home in the Old Capital Mall. 

But Barb had other plans. At the Board of Regents meeting earlier this week, she suggested that the grad students, who keep many of the undergraduate programs running, stop being paid for the work that they do. 

“They already get paid via their education and future degrees. What else do they want from us, an income to provide for their basic needs?!? They should just get another job on top of their studies. Nobody wants to work these days. I’ve worked hard enough, and deserve to sit in my hot tub over CVS and take in my view of the Old Cap without budget cuts interfering with that.”

The Board of Regents, being easily convinced of anything, agreed to Barb’s move. But the COGS Union was quick to respond, telling its grad student members to refuse to work until they were paid what they deserve, causing almost all undergraduate programs to crumble. 

After hearing the news that her precious university will collapse without the work of the grad students, Barbara Wilson took to the hallways of the Old Cap Mall screaming, crying, and stomping her feet, saying “This isn’t fair! I want my Barbie Vacation House!” She eventually caved in, seeing that it was between her University and her vacation house, and allowed the grad students an actual livable wage for the first time in the University’s history. 

The Barbie Wilson-Ville is set to close later this week.