Barb Wilson Buys Mall to Build New Vacation House

So we all heard the news, the University has bought the Old Capital Mall. But the real question is, what are they planning to do with it? They already have the top floor reserved for all their needs, what else could they want with a run-down mall? The Doily sat down with University President, Barb Wilson, to get the inside scoop. 

Barb came in hot to the interview, wearing her fiery yellow pantsuit and a smile as big as ever. We asked her, what has made her so cheerful. “Haven’t you heard the news? I’m getting a new vacation home.” Now when we think about vacation homes, we think of tropical islands and beachfront homes, but Barb had a different idea. “I’m so far away from the action of the city, the beating heart of Iowa City, downtown. That’s why I made the University by the mall. I want to be able to walk out of my house and walk straight into Reunion to get sloshed after a Hawkeye win, and now I will finally be able to do that. Plus I have the best view of the Pentacrest on campus.” 

We asked her if she had any big plans to renovate the mall, to which she responded with a resounding yes. “Oh, I’m gonna barbify the entire thing. Hawkeye wallpaper on every wall, a giant mural of me in the Last Supper, where instead of Jesus and the disciples, it’s just me, a giant hot tub and sauna on the top floor so I can get my sweat on, and a giant basketball court where Caitlin Clark and I can shoot some hoops.”

Lastly, we asked if this new vacation home will be open for students, which Barb shut down immediately. “No, no students allowed. I work too hard for this University to get interrupted by the people who pay for it. But, as an olive branch to the community, I will allow Cane's Chicken Fingers to continue operating in my new vacation home, free and open to all.” So there you have it folks. Big changes are coming to Iowa City, and you don’t get to be a part of it. It’s for Barb and Barb only!