All the Questions I Asked My Mom This Week

It’s that time of year - the cicadas are singing, the rain is pouring, and college students all throughout Iowa City are realizing they are not actually prepared for adulthood. But not to worry! This week, I have diligently documented all the adult questions I had for my dear mother, so that you don’t have to ask them! I don’t have all the answers though: I forgot some of them by the time the phone call was done because I was too busy thinking about the new tea Mom had about Uncle Bob’s divorce.

Q: How do I assemble this shelf?

A: Follow the instructions, remember righty tighty and lefty loosey.

Q: How do I get rid of fruit flies in my sink?

A: Put a piece of paper in a cup half full of vinegar and that will catch most of them.

Q: Is this bump on my face a pimple, or do I have skin cancer?

A: It’s a pimple, now stop touching it.

Q: What’s a DNS server and why is it down?

A: She doesn’t know either, but it means the problem is with the school’s wifi and not my computer.

Q: What’s the Amazon Prime password?

A: ********

Q:Would you be mad at me if I dropped this class?

A: No but it’s only week 2, go to office hours and reconsider. (But her face says yes, yes she would.)

Q: Does this outfit look professional enough for a job interview?

A: The job is for the dining hall, so yes that’s fine.

Q: When is grandma’s birthday?

A: It was three days ago.

Q: Do I need to have a credit card?

A: Are you finally succumbing to the unwilling and unconscious participation in late-stage capitalism that is demanded of every 21st century citizen?

And there you have it! I hope this relieved some of your worries about being alone in this scary, grown-up world. But just remember: if you need to call, it’s probably going to turn into an hour long chat - which, by the way, you will not believe what my cousin Barb got up to last month - so schedule your emergencies!!