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Even Less Important
Macbook User Elegy
Written in iambic pentameter. In class, in meetings, in all of my work, When do you, Macbook, find yourself silent? As soon as a hush...
Hallowed Be Thy Ween
Take Me By the Hand, Lead Me to the Land that Thee Understand
‘Pumpkin Spice Incident’ at Library Café Destroys Thousands of Precious Books
BREAKING: A hardware malfunction at the University of Iowa Main Library has led to the explosion of the “White-Girl-Inator,” the machine...
Burge Walking Tacos Win Michelin Star
After years of tireless effort perfecting the best walking tacos, Clinton Street Market in Burge finally gets the acknowledgement it...
This New Raising Cane’s Tastes Suspiciously Like Herky the Hawk
After having dined at the new Raising Cane’s location in downtown Iowa City, many customers are reporting the chicken tasting like how...
It’s (Brat)umn: Time to get Really Bratty
Over the summer, the Brat phenomenon was everywhere. With the release of Charli XCX’s album, Brat, people were being messy, unapologetic,...
Is This A Real Fire Alarm or Can I Just Go Back to Watching Hentai?
Every month, the university makes sure to drill the various buildings of the school to respond to natural disasters like tornadoes or...
To The Joker, Wilder is Just Normal-er
With Parents’ Week fast approaching, several notable parents have started popping up around Iowa City. Among such parents is Iowa City’s...
All Work, No Play: Billions to Go Into Labor, Never Give Birth
Expect gentrification this Labor Day NEW YORK – The United Nations headquarters has been sent into a panic, for an American holiday has...
Freshman English Major Forced to Take Exclusively Accounting Classes Due to Availability
For any upperclassmen or disabled people reading this, class registration will likely feel like it was completed ages ago. Within the...
Ten Ways to Answer Someone Asking “Why Iowa, Anyway?”
As a new season of college acceptances dawns on us, it’s time for yet another class of Hawkeyes to fight for their lives against their...
Studio 13 Relocates to Screening of Love Lies Bleeding Due to Construction
(Disclaimer: This was written a month and a half ago, to which it was promptly shelved because the upper echelons of the DA are silencing...
Doily Allergen Resorts to AI Submissions for Dear Doily After No One Submits
In September of 2023, The Doily Allergen launched a cool new way for readers to interact with their favorite distinguished newspaper and...
Herkalicious Definition Make Them Hawks Go Locooooooooo
Wanting to be known for more than just his killer swagger and pretty face, Herky has decided to put his own stamp on the music industry....
Student Spotlight: The Girl Scout Who Verbally Harassed Me
Women in Business recently sponsored Girl Scouts to sell cookies in the John Pappajohn Business Building. Due to my deep love for...
Crucifact or Crucifixion: The TRUE Nature of Good Friday
WHAT’S UP, gamers and readers of the EXTREMELY fabulous Doily Allergen? Today, I’m coming at you LIVE (or as live as the written word can...
It Was My Decision To Get Clean: My Wizard101 Story
Fizzle after fizzle after fizzle. I couldn’t take it anymore. It was eating me from the inside out. My addiction to Wizard101 has finally...
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