Even Less Important

Supreme Court Hears Ruling to Silence The Doily Allergen

The United States Supreme Court has called The Doily Allergen to Washington for speaking truth and fact far too often. The University of...

Before Finals Week Starts, Does Anyone Wanna Admit They Have A Crush on Us?

Be Honest 🫣 Ah, Dead Week: The point in the semester where everyone’s on the verge of collapse getting ready for finals, and classes...

Herky Saves the Town

You Heard Right! In a thrilling turn of events, beloved University of Iowa mascot, Herky the Hawk, saves Iowa City from imminent...

HWK LRT: Whr Dd th Vwls G???

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Macbook User Elegy

Written in iambic pentameter. In class, in meetings, in all of my work, When do you, Macbook, find yourself silent? As soon as a hush...

Fall is Here! Shirtless Joggers Begin Wearing Tasteful Scarves

Hallowed Be Thy Ween

Take Me By the Hand, Lead Me to the Land that Thee Understand

‘Pumpkin Spice Incident’ at Library Café Destroys Thousands of Precious Books

BREAKING: A hardware malfunction at the University of Iowa Main Library has led to the explosion of the “White-Girl-Inator,” the machine...

Burge Walking Tacos Win Michelin Star

After years of tireless effort perfecting the best walking tacos, Clinton Street Market in Burge finally gets the acknowledgement it...

This New Raising Cane’s Tastes Suspiciously Like Herky the Hawk

After having dined at the new Raising Cane’s location in downtown Iowa City, many customers are reporting the chicken tasting like how...

It’s (Brat)umn: Time to get Really Bratty

Over the summer, the Brat phenomenon was everywhere. With the release of Charli XCX’s album, Brat, people were being messy, unapologetic,...

Is This A Real Fire Alarm or Can I Just Go Back to Watching Hentai?

Every month, the university makes sure to drill the various buildings of the school to respond to natural disasters like tornadoes or...

To The Joker, Wilder is Just Normal-er

With Parents’ Week fast approaching, several notable parents have started popping up around Iowa City. Among such parents is Iowa City’s...

All Work, No Play: Billions to Go Into Labor, Never Give Birth

Expect gentrification this Labor Day NEW YORK – The United Nations headquarters has been sent into a panic, for an American holiday has...

Freshman English Major Forced to Take Exclusively Accounting Classes Due to Availability

For any upperclassmen or disabled people reading this, class registration will likely feel like it was completed ages ago. Within the...

Toilet Paper Shortage? No Worries! We Have The Daily Iowan!

Ten Ways to Answer Someone Asking “Why Iowa, Anyway?”

As a new season of college acceptances dawns on us, it’s time for yet another class of Hawkeyes to fight for their lives against their...

Studio 13 Relocates to Screening of Love Lies Bleeding Due to Construction

(Disclaimer: This was written a month and a half ago, to which it was promptly shelved because the upper echelons of the DA are silencing...

Doily Allergen Resorts to AI Submissions for Dear Doily After No One Submits

In September of 2023, The Doily Allergen launched a cool new way for readers to interact with their favorite distinguished newspaper and...

Herkalicious Definition Make Them Hawks Go Locooooooooo

Wanting to be known for more than just his killer swagger and pretty face, Herky has decided to put his own stamp on the music industry....