Student Awakes in Dorm Room to Find Salt Co. Members Standing Around Him

Opinion: Is Your TA Hot, Or Did He Just Tell You That You Have Good Sentence Structure?

God Changes 10 Commandments To 10 Strong Encouragements

The Doily Allergen’s Advice For Incoming Freshmen

Opinion: Sure, Ethnic Cleansing Is Bad, But Is It Worse Than My Ruined Grad Photos?

Doily Allergen Has No More Ideas

Student Spotlight: This Trendsetter Just Discovered Making Sourdough In Quarantine

BREAKING: UI Republicans In Shambles After Members Discover The Joys of Pegging

UI Scrambles To Change Policy After College Republicans Get Feelings Hurt About Sidewalk Chalk

“I Am Immune!” Declares Fully Vaccinated Student With 3 STI’s

Sleep Schedule Interfering With Student’s Adderall Use

Arbor Day Party Gets Too Lit, Police Arrive

Bruce Harreld Officially Selects Moose Barreld As Next UI President

Future Burge Resident Looking Forward To Productive Year Of Learning

I Got My Town Hall To Level 13 In Clash of Clans But I Guess Women Aren’t Interested In Nice Guys

HAWK ALERT: Are You Mad At Me?

“OMG is that a pupper in the background???” Writes Insufferable Brown Noser in Zoom Chat

“Hey Kid, You Want Some Vaccines?” Asks 1940s New York Criminal in Alleyway

New Report Reveals Mediacom Chews Through Cables

Study Finds UIPD Have Tiny Wieners, Balls

Student Health To Add Second Question To Vaccine Survey To Weed Out People Who Can’t Hang

Interim President Declares All Candidates Have “Mysteriously Disappeared”

Classroom Management Professor Gets Through 20 Slides of 64, Sets Personal Record

Future Burge Resident Looking Forward To Productive Year Of Learning